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1.局花+ D+ L3 w- n N5 A' H
局里最漂亮的MM有了男朋友，一直暗恋她的小孙看到自己的女神被别人抱在怀中，
) y; h/ \+ ^! z- L心里很不是滋味，一连郁闷了好几天。同事们看他脸色不对，便问他怎么回事，7 @7 y- G! k2 \/ N
小孙垂头丧气地说：“唉……局花被别人抱了。. t+ Y. w: l. a( I; h" {
评论：兄弟节哀，这有凡士林你用么
9 d3 v: W6 R! m% [9 l4 K" T
! f! Y% G4 L( Y4 K; O2.媳妇) m% k/ F) S5 D4 k. L; u% ^( }
10岁弟弟不好好学习，还和他妈顶嘴，把他妈气坏了。
4 Z4 I) [# a0 U$ |( X( E1 p他爸帮腔说：“这是我媳妇你凭什么惹她生气，等你将来娶媳妇了，我也这么气你媳妇你乐意啊？” }, j2 I* b! P' F2 `
谁知弟弟上去搂她妈亲一口说：“那我敢亲你媳妇，你将来敢亲我媳妇吗？”
7 A, e2 p2 y* r评论：老爸在想，这孩子还是真孝顺+ k% h" k. n! n: `" C
0 ~5 v! {: f: C& s3 V3.倒贴, ^+ A: y o" S6 _1 @
过年了，老张看别人家门上都倒贴一个“福”字，寓意“福到了”。) J" L& d4 v: r' M
于是他就写了个“钱”字，也倒着贴上，寓意“钱到了”。9 ^' |0 M* O3 s$ r c
老婆看见以后问：“这是你贴的吗？”
/ h6 f+ T3 W! y: x; ^1 Q老张得意地说：“是啊，我帖的！”
7 d4 u4 x N' d' k/ F话音刚落，只听“啪”一声，一记响亮的耳光抽在老张的脸上，
w; U2 s# m* x' ?“我让你倒贴钱！我让你倒贴钱！倒贴钱...！”
. c8 E) R4 W8 U评论：天朝语言文化博大精深啊
) f0 d2 n+ _( V. a
6 ?- R' O) }% ~" C1 _& |+ r4 l4.刺激
. S, q( n1 M' D F今天我走在街上，( @6 J9 ^6 s% Z# d& o* K
对面过来一老奶奶，当我跟她擦肩而过的时候，她一把就扶住了我的胳膊，慢慢地就往下躺& f0 w5 f$ j; l6 z; U: g3 W9 M
，我心想完了。
6 T5 S( q; m1 |& t% ?3 k过了二十秒，老奶奶自个又站起来了，拍了拍身上的土。. p7 {; b2 X5 W7 S# C" u
“孩子，刺不刺激，人生到处是惊喜。”说完就走了。
$ t. p) t M( ]; i5 x尼玛，英雄不问出处！贪玩不分岁数啊！！9 Z! ^4 {# q' H' N* A1 j% T2 T
评论：老奶奶走后我拿着她的钱包：确实刺激 ]0 X1 R0 j( _8 E/ _
9 d1 h, R. x; e' ]
5.不加倍
8 k3 x8 r: b) i9 E0 {; v% x小明昨天熬夜玩了一晚上斗地主，
' N5 [1 \! e; u( @& s b$ {今天有气无力的到了教室，教室里正在开班会。! _7 k1 c& t5 l
老师：“已经临近期末考试，但是你们的课堂练习还是太少，我认为作业应该加倍，你们认为呢？”
& f5 x) B9 ?2 ^7 b. `) r) e2 {. r% d小红：“不加倍！” 小刚：“不加倍！”+ K0 J% l7 {- k d% { T. X; T
小明顿时来了劲：“抢地主！！！”。。。老师：“滚出去！”
" b+ C- l; h* x评论：尼玛应该先抢地主才加倍的& e/ {$ m* {5 x. w0 i( u v& C
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