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1.局花$ }5 j* v+ {( V- Y# d1 B4 d+ A' Y
局里最漂亮的MM有了男朋友，一直暗恋她的小孙看到自己的女神被别人抱在怀中，
7 `0 v! G% {+ z: t8 z8 q; {$ [. O心里很不是滋味，一连郁闷了好几天。同事们看他脸色不对，便问他怎么回事，+ W, N8 Y/ Q7 g1 `4 u" Y' j; G
小孙垂头丧气地说：“唉……局花被别人抱了。; r ]! Q a9 q
评论：兄弟节哀，这有凡士林你用么( ~* k2 ^& T. N* J2 G0 L5 h# r6 v
1 k9 Q# |0 Z5 m6 ?* c2.媳妇
' Y/ `+ l3 O% Q5 C) S10岁弟弟不好好学习，还和他妈顶嘴，把他妈气坏了。
8 b% o6 r0 K0 I9 ?; _他爸帮腔说：“这是我媳妇你凭什么惹她生气，等你将来娶媳妇了，我也这么气你媳妇你乐意啊？”& ?* P5 l- s- ~. l( m S3 @
谁知弟弟上去搂她妈亲一口说：“那我敢亲你媳妇，你将来敢亲我媳妇吗？”
; \( {( |1 V5 D, n0 J& q1 c评论：老爸在想，这孩子还是真孝顺
9 K: e; `6 I. V- K2 d) w; w7 s& i$ Q6 y9 U
3.倒贴
4 p2 k+ D; L1 ~/ p过年了，老张看别人家门上都倒贴一个“福”字，寓意“福到了”。6 W5 w! v0 `2 L3 s2 F
于是他就写了个“钱”字，也倒着贴上，寓意“钱到了”。8 p; j7 x( o3 J* R' E
老婆看见以后问：“这是你贴的吗？”, M5 t1 e! }/ `; H
老张得意地说：“是啊，我帖的！”
1 t- j' E7 Q1 Y# b5 z话音刚落，只听“啪”一声，一记响亮的耳光抽在老张的脸上，
! h" x8 r# j! X“我让你倒贴钱！我让你倒贴钱！倒贴钱...！”
9 b+ G% {1 y, @ y评论：天朝语言文化博大精深啊
4 M9 v: M$ k+ f* K4 ?) x! e; p, |
; r, |" m0 Y& O4.刺激$ a; x2 d5 I& {: V3 i5 s* H
今天我走在街上，4 c) i& }. m; o* d3 ?- k2 i
对面过来一老奶奶，当我跟她擦肩而过的时候，她一把就扶住了我的胳膊，慢慢地就往下躺7 p( k1 q0 R8 `' o$ a+ o( E
，我心想完了。8 D; P: ~& J2 b: H7 I) m
过了二十秒，老奶奶自个又站起来了，拍了拍身上的土。
) z, ^" a! K3 D3 D! s# }“孩子，刺不刺激，人生到处是惊喜。”说完就走了。
# e/ h( s6 U& Y- h; ~) L% g尼玛，英雄不问出处！贪玩不分岁数啊！！
# V# i. T$ w, S) \. s) J, ]2 i7 w评论：老奶奶走后我拿着她的钱包：确实刺激, Y, @7 }- O) L9 {( d4 {
; P% J) k$ k! L: U5 i6 Y% q
5.不加倍( A" d i* d2 `& z; ^( j' Z& P* O+ z* u
小明昨天熬夜玩了一晚上斗地主，
$ C4 Q6 g5 o" o1 B% n今天有气无力的到了教室，教室里正在开班会。
$ H o s9 w+ I& z3 r0 p0 s老师：“已经临近期末考试，但是你们的课堂练习还是太少，我认为作业应该加倍，你们认为呢？”
! A- ^, I/ B7 Q$ H, [3 N7 {* f小红：“不加倍！” 小刚：“不加倍！”5 C5 c; s, y5 I. Z/ e& o
小明顿时来了劲：“抢地主！！！”。。。老师：“滚出去！”7 [; W2 n' V, s8 W7 o3 ]% ~1 d
评论：尼玛应该先抢地主才加倍的" {* \7 w7 s1 e; l8 [8 Q, `9 |
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